I write this from the blue seat of a once shiny red train that doesn't tilt or do anything fancy, but they do give me a power outlet so I can't complain. I even have a pair of seats to myself, thus allowing much leg stretching and coat sprawling. The carriage is hushed in whispers, but thankfully I haven't managed to get stuck in the Quiet Zone, where the tap tap tapping of computer keys, though technically not against the rules, is strictly frowned upon, along with any form of snack rustling, coughing or loud page turning. The carpet around is littered with soggy bits of caramelised onion, which, quite frankly, is making me hungry. It's a good job I brought provisions and ended up in a carriage where I can make as much crinkle crinkle scoff scoff noises as I like.
I think I spoke too soon with regards to the two seats to myself... a menacing throng of commuters are waiting to get on at the station we're pulling into. I may have to unspread my coat and squidge myself up to the window. Here they come... quick seat count... it's too close to judge... most people have found seats further down... oh, someone's coming this way... nope, they're walking past... gone... no one else? No? Ok, what's wrong with me? Do I look like the sort of person you wouldn't want to sit next to on a train? It must be the annoying tap tap tapping I'm doing, suppressed from my ears by the jolly sounds of R.E.M. emanating from my headphones. They don't like that in the Quiet Zone either, even when they can't hear it.
I think it's time to stuff my face with snacks in a loud but dignified manner.